I hope one day you’ll regret the way you treated me all these years. I hope you regret how you never came to my defense. I hope you regret not defending your little sister and taking me in as your own. I hope you regret all those horrible hints you told me. “i wish your sister had lived instead of you.” “you gotta suck it up, we’ve all been through it.” “your stupid, lazy, and the worst daughter god could have given me.” and of course my favorite “I hope god punishes you by giving you a daughter that was as disappointing as you are to me.”
I’m just gonna say, you will regret it one day. Maybe not today, but one day you will. Idk how much longer of this I can take-but I just want you to know that you ALL drove me to this place. This place of desperation, this place of hopelessness, this place of depression. you were supposed to protect me. But the only people you couldn’t protect me from were your own selves. You all brought me the worst pain in these 21 years of my life.
I was always placed too high on the pedestal. Since birth I was the miracle child and with that came it’s consequences. I was a straight A student, but that never satisfied you. I was overly athletic, but you never went to a game. I was involved in the fine arts, but you never went to a show. I was in student council, but you didn’t help me run my campaign. You were not a family to me. You may have fed me, clothed me, and provided an education for me, but you were not my family. Foster children receive more love than I did. I know bc I’ve lived with them my entire life. You went to every family visit of theirs, every spelling bee, every therapy appointment. Shame on you all for not doing that for someone who was blood. So don’t give me this, I’ve never done anything but be there for you. Bullshit. When was the last time you guys went to something that was important to me? That’s right. Never.
I’m ready to just give up. I don’t want to live in constant anxiety over this. Especially when no one in my family cares. It makes me so sad knowing that not even my sisters support me and even want to back me up. I guess they are fed up with their many years of fighting with my mom that they don’t want to come to my defense. But I’d do it for them. Knowing that you have no one on your side is the worst feeling in the world. Why have a family? Why be a apart of a family if everyone drives you to these moments of loneliness and desperation? And I just realized something-I’m very much like my mother. But I’ve become her because I’m afraid of her. I am this bipolar, emotional roller coaster of a wreck because she makes me change my emotions based on her temporary temperament. I live my life according to her emotions. I live my everyday in fear of how she is. I’ve realized I truly have no one to turn to. I really want someone to come whisk me away for my own safety because i don’t have the strength to walk away from this family that causes me so much pain. I have no more tears to cry and I have no more fighting words to say back. I just want to leave. And if i can’t- I’ll continue to live in this emotional abusive household, praying to god that he gives me the strength to go on another day.
Here are some glittery Dorothy-tastic beauties we finished last night for Miss Miranda to take on her US tour. These are our best-selling Aurora peeptoe platforms and we are really excited about the glitter! More colours and textures like this coming to the website soon.
SO EFFING BEAUTIFUL!!
